Facing the Fears

Last year about this time in the school year, we were thinking life was easing up. We had moved 400 miles across country, we had survived the first twelve weeks in a new school, new home, new level of position for my husband. There had been much tripidation on how the move would affect our older son, who is very used to being at his grandparents every other weekend who were 70 miles away before moving. He was leaving a small Christian school where he was a "star" among his 60 classmates and coming to a city school of 1400 per class.
The summer came and we were flattened emotionally by the announcement that son would like to remain at his dad's in another state after the summer, in fact, natural dad was indeed on board and had made plans on all levels. It was an emotional blow, but more importantly it was not something we could do quietly into the night and say "yes" to for many reasons. We spent the summer torn up emotionally, praying, searching, for the right answers, not just the ones we wanted.....but for many reasons we just didn't think it was the right move.
The natural dad is a great guy, despite the fact we are divorced....we were married over a decade and had the two younger children together. His career caused him to travel, and he had not stayed in one employment (his career doesn't generally) all of his adult life. At that time he was single and the shifts he worked didn't work well for single parenting. We felt like son was trying to escape boundaries, and we knew from experience, he would get away with too much when he was there...and would have to live with grandparents there with Dad's traveling. We worried about the distance between son and his sister....Just ugh.
Son was running. As I have myself when I wanted to not face new things...when new expectations seemed far past what I could handle.....when anything else looked easier than facing what I had to face....I could so relate to his desire to be back with the familiar....
Fear has a funny effect on us. We either get angry, get in denial, or get away! I simply could not face having to go through a custody case over a son who is old enough to make choices within the decision, yet last November that is exactly what I got to go through. God is not a God of fear, and those six months preparing for the hearings, I learned to lean into God in a whole new way....it was no longer leaning actually, it was cleaving to Him, His word, and His promises. That period took from us emotionally, financially, but we reaped a harvest spiritually through the trial God allowed. We drew nearer to the source of peace, God Almighty.
The Bible has every answer we seek. Our obedience and ability to bring our messes back to God and ask for forgiveness when we fail, gives us the position to ask and expect God to fulfill His promises. God is faithful to keep His promises....always....needing money? there's a promise. Need peace? there's a promise. Need deliverance from enemies? there's a promise.....Need your children saved and safe, there's a promise.....
The Lord wanted me in a new place with Him, and He has brought me a little bit closer to Him throughout this year.....I love that my Pappa God draws us to him like a big ole boy from back home who's happy to see me......no matter how messy my life is, God still loves me, despite me.

God is good!