And sometimes I am small....

There is nothing I like better than to see someone or something I know and see them succeed. It's a joy like none other, its my heart joy....to know that someone had a dream, that the dream was within them, often God given, and then to see them execute that which God made them to do. God allows me so often to know some small thing that helps others on their paths to their dreams...this girl from Alabama...someone who is simply herself....I own no magic wands, just simply alot of work somedays...but God puts where we are..... Wow....it's like watching the moving pictures as Granny would say....breathtaking!
Yesterday was one of those moments in your life when time simply stood still. Thirteen years ago I had a dream. A big big dream of working with one of my heroes. Not sharing a stage, nor getting to be in his presence, but of God putting me in the position for him to come to me as a mentor in areas that were not his, that he would seek me to help mentor him in that area. In ways I cannot fully share with you right now, yesterday like something out of a Hollywood movie....that dream came true.
Not only did that dream come true, but in the course of fourteen hours, God gave me so many dreams coming true that it got to the "is this really happening" stage of unbelievable....my toes curled so many times in 14 hours from the trying to contain excitement as my dreams all came true in call after call...meeting after meeting, that my toes are probably so strong now you might could see biceps!

(It's just so not cool to sit in important meetings and squeal....but yes, the short bus girl did that too) Not only did my dream come true, but because God allowed me to meet and help some girlfriends over the last six months, they get to see some of their dreams come true too.
You'd think that would be the ultimate happy amazing day don't you? Yes, I did too...we live our whole lives seeking and dreaming opportunities and God's divine blessings would allow such a thing. So why after such a day did I have tears that were not joyful running down my face for the hour after I left such a 14 hour day? They were not tears of joy.

Yes, as our friend Nester would say because I'm still learning that "It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful." The day was perfect, everything went as well as I could only dream it could go. Fantastic fellowship, amazing meals with amazing people. Being in the presence of God as He simply orchestrated this new symphony that will so change lives, I know it has changed mine....yet...my own imperfections, my scars, my fear of inadequacy left me feeling like Cinderella before the ball. You know the moment...when she was excited about going to the ball and then the wicked stepmother said "You? Going to the ball? How ridiculous"

Now hear me well, no one said or did anything that was less than "isn't this exciting" and "You are amazing" but my own voice in my head kept saying "I'll fail, I can't do this" but the truth is and was, I had already done what was being discussed. God had for many many many years prepared for such a time as what was happening, God's been preparing me my whole life for such a time as this....so many things I couldn't imagine why I had to go through, learn, experience....but yesterday the tapestry God wove in my life all made sense!

The wicked stepmother voice was not said to me, it was the voice, my fear in my ears....it was satan using my own voice saying it to me, thought warfare...but the thoughts were simply not mine. I was tired, there had been a phone call about a death before I was leaving, I had been up 26 hours and suddenly Satan seized His opportunity to play on my fear. Yes, fear. Can you imagine, I got to experience a thirteen year dream come true, I got to see first hand in person miraculous circumstances happen in such a way that my dreams came true before my eyes, yet my mind could not wrap its head around the joy and blessings of my Father's grace. Instead, my flesh went into fear and disbelief that I was enough....so accustomed to not being "enough" because I am imperfect....how silly. How truly silly. God has moved literal mountains to make a dream happen, how silly of me to think I can't be enough that God can't do what God wants to do with me. He is after all, God....and though I'm stubborn sometimes, I do surrender and obey him eventually...even on the hard things. (ever wonder why I call myself God's short bus girl?) It's because I taught learners who learned differently....children with giftedness, children with handicaps, children with learning differences...and I drove those students in a bus for every field trip...usually the small bus....and in my mind the short bus children are precious...but they have to get to places with different methods, they are taught differently than the other children...and often because of their giftedness, physical limitations, or mental capacity, they learn differently than others. (Raises hand to join class....I learn very differently) God has to teach me some lessons over and over, and others he has to simply show me differently...and most of them I have arrived to the learning very differently than others.

Are we truly believing God is God when He puts before us every promise in the Bible that tells us He is Jehovah, Almighty, Omnipotent, Mighty, Provider, Healer, our Father in heaven? I don't know about you, but some days those are words that simply don't get enough meaning in my belief comprehension. ...or my faith.

God is God and I am not.....and today I will thank God for allowing me to be forgiven for making this miraculous day yesterday about me in my pitiful moments in the jeep coming home....and I will thank Him for showing me yet more glimpses of His majestic power and ability to orchestrate lives hundreds of miles a part, in ways we'll never understand to reach more hearts for his purpose....

Girls it is time to focus on who God made us to be, and stop playing our role is small. What ever we do, let us do it as though unto God....our love shown to others is what he calls us to do. We do amazing things when we do it with God's love....folding a freshly washed towel extra special, helping a friend with a child, making dinner happen for family, loving others when we get the chance, ignorning unkind words...helping overlook offenses.....its time to stop focusing on what we're not, and allow God to use who He made us to be....for each and every one of us was made for such a time as this.....and God is God and we are not. Praise him, Pray to him, Listen for Him, Love Others through Him, and let's simply allow God to be God in our lives!

Love you!



P.S. Rachel Anne Ridge! I am so proud of the book project you are producing....how exciting to see the absolute joy and dynamic tool that God has given you in Company Girl...and I can't wait to see you share it with the world! Company Girl Coffee has been such a blessing to me and I know to others....thank you for sharing your heart and your writing with us!