Facing the Fears

Last year about this time in the school year, we were thinking life was easing up. We had moved 400 miles across country, we had survived the first twelve weeks in a new school, new home, new level of position for my husband. There had been much tripidation on how the move would affect our older son, who is very used to being at his grandparents every other weekend who were 70 miles away before moving. He was leaving a small Christian school where he was a "star" among his 60 classmates and coming to a city school of 1400 per class.
The summer came and we were flattened emotionally by the announcement that son would like to remain at his dad's in another state after the summer, in fact, natural dad was indeed on board and had made plans on all levels. It was an emotional blow, but more importantly it was not something we could do quietly into the night and say "yes" to for many reasons. We spent the summer torn up emotionally, praying, searching, for the right answers, not just the ones we wanted.....but for many reasons we just didn't think it was the right move.
The natural dad is a great guy, despite the fact we are divorced....we were married over a decade and had the two younger children together. His career caused him to travel, and he had not stayed in one employment (his career doesn't generally) all of his adult life. At that time he was single and the shifts he worked didn't work well for single parenting. We felt like son was trying to escape boundaries, and we knew from experience, he would get away with too much when he was there...and would have to live with grandparents there with Dad's traveling. We worried about the distance between son and his sister....Just ugh.
Son was running. As I have myself when I wanted to not face new things...when new expectations seemed far past what I could handle.....when anything else looked easier than facing what I had to face....I could so relate to his desire to be back with the familiar....
Fear has a funny effect on us. We either get angry, get in denial, or get away! I simply could not face having to go through a custody case over a son who is old enough to make choices within the decision, yet last November that is exactly what I got to go through. God is not a God of fear, and those six months preparing for the hearings, I learned to lean into God in a whole new way....it was no longer leaning actually, it was cleaving to Him, His word, and His promises. That period took from us emotionally, financially, but we reaped a harvest spiritually through the trial God allowed. We drew nearer to the source of peace, God Almighty.
The Bible has every answer we seek. Our obedience and ability to bring our messes back to God and ask for forgiveness when we fail, gives us the position to ask and expect God to fulfill His promises. God is faithful to keep His promises....always....needing money? there's a promise. Need peace? there's a promise. Need deliverance from enemies? there's a promise.....Need your children saved and safe, there's a promise.....
The Lord wanted me in a new place with Him, and He has brought me a little bit closer to Him throughout this year.....I love that my Pappa God draws us to him like a big ole boy from back home who's happy to see me......no matter how messy my life is, God still loves me, despite me.

God is good!

Choosing to Trust God more than believing fear

Accepting that God truly made us to live in peace without worry or fear is a tough lesson to learn. From birth we learn that if life is empty or our bellies either, we get fed if we live out loud and seek attention. We hear about our parents and our grandparents worrying themselves over us... The peaceful way of life God created us to have involves understanding even in the midst of a storm that it was planned, it was known, and it has a purpose. Tough stuff when the storm is blowing sand in your eyes or leveling your home.
The last few weeks we had a serious foundation shaking experience with one of our children. Our very core was tested and though the subject involved physical custody between my former husband and I, God was very much in the midst of it all. God clearly took me aside in my prayer life and pointed out that our children were in His hands no matter where they were physically at the moment. It was a second round of the same lesson I had to learn when my dear husband's job required him to deploy six months out of every eighteen to Iraq or Kuwait four years ago.
God is God. He can handle our needs, protect our loved ones and keep abreast of all creation whether our needs are local or in another continent. We somehow think that our measly vision for our lives could somehow compare with His vision for our future.
The storms are past this summer, we have seen more in 42 days than we could have ever accomplished if my children had been returned when they were expected originally. That additional 30 days allowed us to be a part of other family's lives that were in great need of the skills we possessed as a stepfamily and blended family. God knew all along that we would need to be unencumbered by our own responsibilities, the children had a marvelous time with their other extended family and all is well.
The lessons taught once again that we are not to fear but to truly trust God for our lives and our children's lives. That in our disobedience, we caused ourself alot of pain, un necessary tension and anxiety by trying to believe that we are in control instead of God. What peace my mind had the second weekend they were gone. God had filled every source with messages of "Be still, know that I am God" "I will be your Father when your family walks away" "your children and your children's children will be safe" Breathtaking love, that's what our God gives.....and wants to give us....and peace that passes all understanding to the worldly view.
God is good, He has shown me a mighty lesson and I am thankful!

Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.